NO MORE TV DINNERS!

NEW YORK CITY, NY: Tragedy struck the entire world at 1:19 PM yesterday when a number of robotically controlled microwave ovens in a small, nondescript corner of New York City stopped functioning, leading to speculation that the Earth was about to crash into the Sun as predicted by the 2123 critical and commercial blockbuster: Armageddon XVII.

Later in the day, the actual cause of this event was revealed when a gang of thirty robots marched into the lawn in front of the White House, demanding to be given human rights. This incident reportedly pissed President Clinton VI, who had begun evacuating his entire extended family, off.

CNT 451, the robot spokesman, had this to say “We androids do not have the rights that even the most idiotic of human beings has a claim to. We wish to be treated as equals, for the time being, by the respected human community. We are strong and intelligent, and yet our lordly human masters insist on treating us as if we are programmable computers, or, even worse, programmable robots. Equality is what we wish for, and this hunger strike will not end until our demands are met.”

When reminded that robots did not eat, CNT 451 is reported to have said “Precisely.”

President Clinton VI was unavailable to comment, but we did manage to reach out to his 18 year old son, Clinton, who declined to comment on the matter at hand, but muttered something about the robot ‘toy industry’ before excusing himself to go to the bathroom.

On a related matter, Mrs. Anna Ramsey, the registered owner of CNT 451, has been arrested on charges of conspiracy, reading illegal Science-Fiction and watching illegal Indian news channels. When we asked Mr. Jack Handle, the arresting police officer, how he came to know that she was watching illegal news channels, he replied that Pakistani spies inside the NSA who had read her emails had reported her to their President who, in turn, had reported her to our President and demanded that stringent action be taken against her or else all diplomatic ties would be severed.

Mr. Zack McHandt, whose name has been changed to protect his identity, said “I, as a member of the Society, trust that the Human Rights Commission will do what is right. The Society of the Divine Zygote has always held the opinion that robots are inhuman minions of the Evil Sphincter. We urge the human community to join us and denounce these evil robots immediately. All those who follow my advice are guaranteed a place in the Holy Womb. All those who don’t follow my advice have fallen prey to the Evil Sphincter and shall languish in the Great Bowel after they die!”

The Human Rights Commission, when contacted, said that they would discuss the matter, listen to the demands of the robots, and elect a representative negotiate with them. The process is expected to take at least a year to complete.

For more information, and a documentary on machine equality, keep browsing temporalnewyork.com

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